MOVING!!!!

I sent this email to a lot of people back in February, but this is for those of you who didn't recieve it. SORRY ITS SO LONG!!!
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A lot of you have probably already heard that I have made the decision to move back to San Angelo in June. If not, then…SURPRISE! I’m moving back to San Angelo in July! It’s been really hard for me to answer the question “Why?” because I don’t fully understand myself “why” God would call me to leave my life that I love here in Boerne, but I would like to try and explain to you guys the process that brought me to this decision and hopefully that will clear up any confusion or misunderstandings about me leaving.

Get ready, this is going to be LONG…Since I finished interning at the church in August and started back at my preschool job, I have been very aware that I was in the wrong place. I kept thinking that God had something else for me, but I just didn’t know what. It kind of excited me. Of course I had MY ideas of what God would want for me, which involved me staying in Boerne and just having a different job. I just wasn’t sure what the job would be. In September, God spoke to me through a random acquaintance saying that He had big plans for me, but I would have to stop being scared to step out of my comfort zone. I had to stop assuming that I knew God’s best for me. I had been clearly telling God, “I will quit teaching preschool if that’s what you are asking me to do, as long as…” and I had a long list of stipulations, or “signs” that it was what God wanted me to do. I started asking God to bring back that desire in me to be set apart, to live to the standard that He was calling me to live to. I told God that I was willing to do anything as long as He would just use me for His glory. I just wanted my life to be used for His honor.

Well, as usual, He had a plan that I did not see coming. I started thinking about all of the possibilities that being open to ANYTHING could bring. I explored a few different options and wrestled with the idea that if God called me away from Boerne, would I be willing to go? If the best way for me to glorify Him is somewhere else, could I leave my life here? I thought that was going to be the toughest decision to make, but I came to a place where I could surrender all. I remember lying in bed after reading an email from a friend talking about a job in California and saying outloud, “I’ll go anywhere you ask me God. I just want to be a part of what you are doing.” Yikes!!!!

The month of December was a tough one for me. I just kept seeing more and more how I was not living to the potential that God had given me. I get pretty discouraged with myself. I thought I had given up, but nothing was happening and I felt like I was never going to leave the season of questioning.

Then I went home for Christmas…I was so ready to get away from my everyday life and spend a few days just seeking God. Maybe this would be a time for me to get some sort of direction. My time with my family was very eventful and I felt like I was starting to more and more grumpy because I just wanted to spend that time by myself seeking God. I was really annoyed that I had to keep having “family time.” I had more important things to worry about. One night, I finally got some time alone and I began to read…I don’t think I have ever heard the Holy Spirit so clear before…”Rachel, pay attention! The only way for you to become the woman I desire you to be is if you stop running. You started running years ago when you walked right out from under the authority that I placed over you in your family (my dad). You decided you had your own plans.” God just showed me very clearly that for me to be the wife and mother that He someday wants me to be, I have to be willing to submit to the authority of my father first. What some may see as an independent spirit in me, God has shown me is rebellion. I want to make it right.

I went on for a few weeks trying to “convince” God that I could stay in Boerne and still align myself under my father’s authority again. God said, “NO.” So, I’m packing up and heading back home. I have no idea what to expect. Not sure where I will work or where I will live, but there is this overwhelming peace I have knowing that if I am obedient God will bless that.